Cruel Life
by Lil' Ass Kicker
Summary: "Life is too cruel." "Why?" "Because it hurts you." Angst. Ever wondered why Amy trys to make everything perfect? A lot of Angst. Slight swearing and character death.


_**Summary: "Life is too cruel." "Why?" "Because it hurts you." Angst. Ever wondered why Amy trys to make everything perfect? This is what I imagine it could be, but it's just me and I like writing Angst. **_

_**Donnot own B99 or any of it's characters. Also donnot own Smirnoff, it'll come up... just saying. **_

_**Cruel Life **_

_**3rd Person **_

She didn't like talking about it, hated talking about it, so when Jake asked her _'why do you always act so perfect?' _in the sweet way she's gotten so used to - she doesn't want to answer at first.

"Perfect?"

He nods, gently taking her hand over the covers of the bed. "Yeah, you make sure your apartment-"

"Our apartment." She corrects, slightly smiling.

"_Our _apartment is perfect. Clean and proper, I haven't ever seen a drop of alcohol in here." That makes her suck in a breath. "In fact, I never see you drink that much. Ever."

"Just not into it."

He scoffs. "Bor_ing." _She chuckles a little. "But c'mon, tell me why."

"My life wasn't..." She sighs. "Because I cleaned up."

"Your life wasn't what?" He asks, plainly out of curiosity. "C'mon, tell." She shakes her head.

"It's better now." She kisses him, thinking about how it was only a year ago she realized how much she was missing - with him- without him as her boyfriend. Weird to think about, weird to say... but it's true. "All that matters." It's like he can sense she wants to let it go, so he does.

* * *

She thinks about it all that night, Jake hugs her closer in his sleep. He murmurs nonsense, something about Jolene and then herself, and then bury's his nose into the back of her neck. She takes a hold of his hand, which he squeezes in his sleep, and blinks twice.

_How did I do this? Be so **perfect? **_

The last time she asked herself that was when she was seventeen, lying on the floor of her bedroom with a glass of vodka in her hand. Her _first _ever drink.

_Smirnoff. _

Her brothers girlfriend- Jennifer, Josh's wife now- had a bottle she'd gotten and offered her a glass. Her parents had said it was OK, because Jennifer wasn't gonna give it to her without permission, so Amy took it with a smile.

_"TRY!" She was so drunk, handing her the glass with a slur of words Amy couldn't understand. "You'll like." _

Josh had laughed as his girlfriend watched with anticipation on her face. At first Amy grimaced, it was so bitter, but then she grew to like it. Jennifer poured her another glass and said it was her last one, true to her word - Jennifer give her no more- Amy took it to her room, laid on the floor and drank it slowly.

That was fine, her older brother shouted at her for drinking. She didn't talk to Richard for a day, until he showed up with a small present from the nearest jewelry store. The idiot got her little vodka earrings, _Smirnoff _was carved onto a little alcohol bottle. _"Congrats on not having a hangover, sorry for yelling." _

She wore them everywhere, only took them out to have a shower or go to school. She learnt her lesson after she wore them once and Mr Jenner yelled at her and took them away, her father got them back as soon as she came home.

Jake stirs from behind her and she feels him moving around a little. "You still up?" He asks.

"Yes." She doesn't turn to look at him, just at the wall. She sees everything play out on it, if she looks away it'll all go. Richard would go, again.

"Why?" He asks. "Too damn early, frickity frack!" He's too tired to rethink what he's saying. "It's two AM, go to sleep babe." He kisses the top of her head and settles his face back into her, this time laying his bony head on her shoulder. "Love you."

"Love you too." She whispers back, taking his hand- this time under the covers. "G'night."

"Night." He kisses her shoulder and pulls his head away.

* * *

Why can't she get it out of her head? It's past, shouldn't she tell someone.

_She did. _That's how she's here now. Making everything perfect and clean, making sure nothings out of place. Not like how it used to be, messy and full of scraps of glass. Her parents never found out about the second time until it all crashed down, frat party. Eighteen.

She got seriously drunk that night, different boys and men had noticed her then. Kylie had 'dolled her up'; clingy blue dress, high heel black shoes (she could barely walk in), dark red lipstick, black eyeliner, purple eyeshadow, black clutch purse, heart bracelet, drop down earrings, charmed necklace. Everything, Amy hated it all on sight.

Apparently, whatever Kylie was trying to do... worked. About five different men brought her drinks all night, she regret it all in the morning.

From then on, whenever she saw a drink she went for it. Once she found a half full bottle on the street and drank it all, she'd became so used to the taste she didn't grimace like the first time, she'd realized what she'd done seconds later and dropped the bottle. At her Josh's wedding, _oh god, _she was such an idiot. She got drunk, grabbed the microphone the 'dude' in charge of the music was using, started singing and then told everyone it was Jennifer's fault she was like that.

At Richards wedding, it all crashed down on her. Again, she got drunk, people were getting tired of this all. She stopped the music, yelled around and then insulted Richards new wife.

_"RACHEL, is a big bitch. She LET me get this drunk, y'know." _

Her mother ran out the room in tears and Richard dragged her outside, he yelled profanity's at her and told her to go home.

_"KEEP THE FUCK AWAY! GO HOME AND SOBER YOUR ASS UP! FUCKING LUCK. Go home Amy." _

Her father soon came out after, he told her she was a disappointment and pushed her to the ground when she tried to change him mind.

_"Keep away from my family." _

He went back inside and came back moments later with a glass in hand.

_"Here, you like drinking so much. Take it. Make a choice Amy, this," He held up the glass higher. "Or family, think carefully." _

_"Family, daddy please?" _

_"No, you don't get the choice." He stated and set the glass next to her. "I'll be back to see the outcome." _

After minutes of staring at it, she picked it up with her - now- scarred hands wearily. Worst thing of her to do huh? She drank it, her father came back. He nodded, as if to accept it.

_"You've made a choice huh? I never want to see you again. Keep away, for my sanity." _

She did, Richard called her the next morning and came over in the late afternoon. He told her she'd ruined the wedding party, and Rachel had cancelled the honeymoon because she was so upset.

That was when he told her she had a problem. She refused to believe it and soon enough she was crying into his shoulder and then pouring herself some water. But she couldn't do it and grabbed a bottle of... that's right, as you can guess. _Smirnoff. _Her brother didn't suspect a thing until she started to cry and apologize, he took it from her and sniffed. His expression changed to anger and confusion.

_"This is what we call... an alcohol problem. And I can't have that in my life, not now. So I'm gonna leave, now, and come back when you have this all sorted." _

He left, she hadn't seen him since a year ago when he introduced his new baby boy and girl. Four years after she'd sorted it out, she understood why.

She looks over to the clock in curiosity. Four AM, she should probably go to sleep soon like her boyfriend. She wants to tell him everything that's wrong, he knows life hasn't always be rainbows and unicorns for her but not this. She hasn't told anyone, but she's sure Holt knows. I mean, the man knows everything... which is to be expected though.

* * *

She does get some sleep, luckily it's minutes after 4AM. She begs Jake not to call her in sick but he just kisses her and it escalates until she's asleep again and he calls her in sick, leaving a note as an apology. She groans when she finds it next to her on the pillow, she'd expected to find her boyfriend and beg for _him _to call in sick with her. If she was off so was he.

Apparently not.

_Sorry I couldn't stay, but y'know... I'm working today while your not. Sorry! LOVE YOU! _

"Ass." She whispers and pulls a blanket from the bottom of the bed to cover her as she walks around. She couldn't be bothered to get dressed, although maybe putting on underwear would help. She went back and did just that before deciding to throw on one of his old shirts and getting breakfast.

* * *

There _must be something _wrong with her. She can't get it all out of her mind, flashing images make her go into her daydreams.

A year and a half of drinking constantly, not knowing anything and having no moral and then... suddenly her mothers there and she's in therapy and rehab. She's been and gone and done it all, her father taking her back. Welcoming her into open arms and then it happened again.

She met Kayley, another fellow recovering alcoholic who got close to Amy's brother. She managed to wheeze her way into the family and win everyone's hearts before she got Amy's brother into the mess.

Jared was so unsuspecting, he drank like Amy used to and everyone disowned him. But not her. She knew what it was like.

_"Life is too cruel." She states, pulling him close to her. _

_"Why?" _

_"Because it hurts you." Jared pulls away from her. "I've been where you are, you're gonna drag yourself into oblivion little brother. I'm not the best role model but Kayley's worse. She's gotten you into this mess-"_

_"I fucking love her!" _

_"You don't though, not if you do this." _

_"GET OUT!" _

That was the last of Miss nice Amy, she tried to warn him and tried again.

No use.

It's how she ended up at her brothers grave with her other siblings but not her parents. _"I'm so sorry." _She must've cried for years into Tate's arm, begging for forgiveness on their brother.

_**Jared Kele Santiago  
**_

**Born: 2nd March, 1991**

**Died: 23rd Janua****ry 2010**

_Beloved brother, son and father._

He'd left his daughter to Kayley and she fled away, Amy hasn't seen him since.

* * *

She tells Jake, he asks whats been wrong that night. She turns off the TV and tells him it all, he takes her into his arms and whispers how it's all okay now and how he won't let it happen again.

But it's no use, 'cause when water works fall... there's no holding back. He doesn't shrug away like normal when she talks about her feelings about it all, how she feels like it's all her fault.

He tells her it isn't. And he means it_. _

She can't bring her brother back, or change her past or any of the movie crap. All that matters is that she's here _now, _alive and well and back into her family.

And making it all perfect. It won't help.

Because:

_Life is too cruel. _This is _a cruel life _we live in, people die and have these problems.

There's no happy ending for some, but she finally found hers.


End file.
